Line King: College football needs The 'U' back - WTOC-TV: Savannah, Beaufort, SC, News, Weather & Sports

Line King: College football needs The 'U' back

  • AlabamaMore>>

  • Saban on how he handles the politics and football conversation

    Saban on how he handles the politics and football conversation

    Monday, September 25 2017 5:01 PM EDT2017-09-25 21:01:19 GMT

    "But to me, some of the things we do in our country, I grew up, they were unifying events and it’s a little painful to see that those things are not so right now. But I also respect everyone’s right not to be censored in terms of the way they express their beliefs."

    More >>

    "But to me, some of the things we do in our country, I grew up, they were unifying events and it’s a little painful to see that those things are not so right now. But I also respect everyone’s right not to be censored in terms of the way they express their beliefs."

    More >>
  • Sports

    No. 1 Alabama shuts out Vanderbilt

    No. 1 Alabama shuts out Vanderbilt

    Saturday, September 23 2017 6:53 PM EDT2017-09-23 22:53:00 GMT

    Alabama hits the road for their first SEC match-up of the year. Keep up with the Crimson Tides clash with the Vanderbilt Commodores up in Nashville here.

    More >>

    Alabama hits the road for their first SEC match-up of the year. Keep up with the Crimson Tides clash with the Vanderbilt Commodores up in Nashville here.

    More >>
  • Alabama finalizes 2018 football schedule

    Alabama finalizes 2018 football schedule

    Tuesday, September 19 2017 4:49 PM EDT2017-09-19 20:49:44 GMT
    Source: WBRCSource: WBRC

    Officials at the University of Alabama finalized the 2018 football schedule on Tuesday. As usual, there are seven home games scheduled for Bryant-Denny Stadium with one neutral site game and four SEC road games.

    More >>

    Officials at the University of Alabama finalized the 2018 football schedule on Tuesday. As usual, there are seven home games scheduled for Bryant-Denny Stadium with one neutral site game and four SEC road games.

    More >>
  • LSUMore>>

  • LSU football enjoys team outing at original T.J. Ribs restaurant

    LSU football enjoys team outing at original T.J. Ribs restaurant

    Tuesday, August 11 2015 9:37 PM EDT2015-08-12 01:37:12 GMT
    Tuesday, August 11 2015 10:06 PM EDT2015-08-12 02:06:19 GMT
    The LSU football team took a break from the sweaty grind of fall camp Tuesday night to enjoy some team bonding and great food.More >>
    The LSU football team took a break from the sweaty grind of fall camp Tuesday night to enjoy some team bonding and great food.More >>
  • LSU football wants return to 2011 defense

    LSU football wants return to 2011 defense

    Thursday, August 6 2015 3:15 PM EDT2015-08-06 19:15:51 GMT
    Thursday, August 6 2015 3:36 PM EDT2015-08-06 19:36:51 GMT
    LSU may have ranked No. 1 in the SEC defensively last season, but many fans and analysts agree that wasn’t an accurate reflection of how the team actually played. More >>
    LSU may have ranked No. 1 in the SEC defensively last season, but many fans and analysts agree that wasn’t an accurate reflection of how the team actually played. More >>
  • LSU football reports for fall camp, Miles says Bain was never reinstated

    LSU football reports for fall camp, Miles says Bain was never reinstated

    Wednesday, August 5 2015 12:06 PM EDT2015-08-05 16:06:42 GMT
    Wednesday, August 5 2015 4:52 PM EDT2015-08-05 20:52:04 GMT
    On a steamy and sweltering morning in south Louisiana, the LSU football team officially reported for the start of fall camp. The Tigers checking into the West Campus Apartments Wednesday morning, with their first practice set for Thursday. More >>
    On a steamy and sweltering morning in south Louisiana, the LSU football team officially reported for the start of fall camp. The Tigers checking into the West Campus Apartments Wednesday morning, with their first practice set for Thursday. More >>

The following column is satire and meant for entertainment purposes.

(RNN) - We are one quarter of the way through the 2013 college football season, and here is The Line King's Annual Conference Nugget Report.

He has long grieved because there are no longer any top-notch, beat-you-flat-then-rub-it-in, bad-guy hate magnets left in the bleak college football landscape of today. Miami of the 1990s, better-known as The "U," set a standard of indomitable wickedness that has yet to be repeated.

But hope floats eternally, because The Line King is a glass-half-full kind of guy:

ACC: Has the actual "U" returned? College football needs them! Bama is just not a good enough heel. The 2013 "U" has also given up only 50 points in four games. They just need more off-the-field antics and post-TD posing.

Big East (they should have never changed their name): Houston is a nice surprise. The Coogs might not be The "U," but they are a delightful 4-0 straight up/against the spread. SMU has a great 30 for 30 special like The "U," but is an appalling 0-4 ATS.

Big 8: Is Baylor the next "U?" I doubt the Southern Baptists would allow the necessary antics, but the Bears are running through opponents quicker than a snake handler goes through a vial of anti-venom serum. They've also only given up 23 points in four games. Twenty-three!

Big 11: The Big 11 will never produce a "U." Although Michigan's QB wearing No. 98 is pretty cool.

C-USA: The once proud Southern Miss program is the perfect example of why you don't run off a coach who produced 14 consecutive winning seasons and 10 bowl games. Wake up, people, it's Hattiesburg, not Miami.

Independents: The "U" would certainly like to rekindle the  venerable "Catholics vs. Convicts" rivalry, especially considering that Notre Dame is a horrid 0-4 ATS.

MAC: "U"Mass (yes, it is in the MAC) has only scored 28 points in four games. Yikes, that's not "U"-like.

MountainBigWestWAC: Usually produces a few teams worth following.  And like the old "U," the Benjamins are flying all over the place. "U"tah State is 4-1 ATS and while Hawaii is 0-4 on the field, they have nice beaches and are 3-1 ATS.  

PAC 10+2: While not The "U," the "O" is certainly making an early season run for a spot in Pasadena. The Ducks have scored 239 and given up 43... very "U"-like. And forget SoCal's 3-2 record, Lane Kiffin got fired because they are 1-4 ATS.

$EC: Despite brainwashing half the nation, the $EC is not at all "U"-like ATS. Mike $live would love to replace Starkville with Miami. Although Mizzou (who remembered they are in the $EC?) is 4-0 SU and ATS.

Sun Belt: South Alabama is 3-1 ATS, but Mobile will never be confused with Miami. Neither will Monroe or Lafayette (LA), Bowling Green (KY), Troy (AL) or San Marcos (TX). Heck, Atlanta is not Miami, either, although they think they are. Next year add Boone (NC) and Statesboro (GA).

Week 4: 6-3-1 (again)

Total: 29-20-2

Week 5

GaState @ Bammer -56: Old-school "U" beatdown.

Clemson @ Syracuse +14: Lots of orange... just like The "U."

UGA -11 @ Rocky Top: Speaking of Orange, ol' Smokey can only wish it was The "U."

Arkansas +10 @ The Swamp: The "U" took care of the Gators earlier, deflating giant egos all up and down I-75.  

Mizzou @ Vandy -4.5: Vandy is a private school just like The "U," or so the Vandy fan keeps saying.

Mississippi @ Barn +3: Black Bear fans are still excited about the Music City Bowl.

Kentucky @ SoCar -21.5: The Visor would have been a perfect fit at The "U." Instead, he is in Columbia. Oh well.

San Jose @ Hawaii +4.5: Think ATS my friends... ATS and those beaches.

TCU @ Oklahomer -11: TCU could be The "U." But it isn't.  

GaTech @ The "U" -4.5: Welcome back, The "U."

Copyright 2013 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

  • SEC FootballSEC CoverageMore>>

  • INSIDE THE 10: USC great Langston Moore joins Rick & Emery at 1801 Grille this week

    INSIDE THE 10: USC great Langston Moore joins Rick & Emery at 1801 Grille this week

    Tuesday, September 26 2017 8:32 AM EDT2017-09-26 12:32:32 GMT

    WIS is launching a new sports talk show on Facebook Live! Every Wednesday at 7:30 p.m., Rick Henry, Emery Glover and their special guests will get together at 1801 Grille in downtown Columbia for thirty minutes of spirited college football talk on Facebook Live. 

    More >>

    WIS is launching a new sports talk show on Facebook Live! Every Wednesday at 7:30 p.m., Rick Henry, Emery Glover and their special guests will get together at 1801 Grille in downtown Columbia for thirty minutes of spirited college football talk on Facebook Live. 

    More >>
  • South Carolina's late field goal tops Louisiana Tech, 17-16; Allen-Williams out for the season

    South Carolina's late field goal tops Louisiana Tech, 17-16; Allen-Williams out for the season

    Saturday, September 23 2017 7:12 PM EDT2017-09-23 23:12:02 GMT
    The Gamecocks surround kicker Parker White, who says Saturday's game-winning field goal was the first in his career. (Source: WIS)The Gamecocks surround kicker Parker White, who says Saturday's game-winning field goal was the first in his career. (Source: WIS)

    Parker White kicked a 31-yard field goal with four seconds left to give South Carolina a 17-16 win over Louisiana Tech on Saturday.

    More >>

    Parker White kicked a 31-yard field goal with four seconds left to give South Carolina a 17-16 win over Louisiana Tech on Saturday.

    More >>
  • Mississippi State falls to Georgia 31-3

    Mississippi State falls to Georgia 31-3

    Saturday, September 23 2017 11:47 PM EDT2017-09-24 03:47:50 GMT
    UGA beats MSU 31-3, click on the video above for highlights. Copyright 2017 MSNewsNow. All rights reserved.More >>
    UGA beats MSU 31-3, click on the video above for highlights. Copyright 2017 MSNewsNow. All rights reserved.More >>
Powered by Frankly