Mall Union of Captive Husbands Await Shopping Wives
Frank Jones waits on his wife.
This time of year, you see them all over the mall. Unhappy husbands waiting on wives to finish Christmas shopping. They sit and wait for what they say feels like an eternity. It's nothing if you like shopping, but if you don't and your wife does, this can seem like the longest time of the year.
You could call them the bench brigade, those husbands who resist the frenzy of holiday shopping and camp out somewhere around the mall. They wait for hours as their wives and children agonize over every purchase. "I know I'm not going to follow her cause she can't make up her mind," said waiting husband Frank Jones at the Statesboro Mall today.
He says the huddle of men with whom he sits is close knit: the Mall Union of Captive Husbands, MUCH for short.
This group of battle-hardened veterans say their union has rules and the rules are strict. Never look impatient. The shopper sees this and stretches the day even longer.
The only part you can enjoy is lunch.
You can follow the wife through the video store, but the makeup counter is off limits.
Men's clothing? Okay.
Perfume is one of the big no-no's, along with jewelry stores, according to MUCH member Avery Roberson of Pembroke. "I don't like going cause womenfolk can go and look for two days and come out with one piece."
"Women's lingerie, okay? You don't want to be caught around that," added Jones. "Especially if your friends catch you in one of these places, they'll want to know what you're doing there."
After all, there's only so MUCH they can take. The men say they'll just ask Santa if they could please stay home next year.
The light at the end of the tunnel for these men is only two more shopping days till Christmas.